Mets Lose on Off Day

In what sources are calling “stunning,” the New York Mets managed to record a loss on a day in which they played no baseball. “Sometimes, you face tough breaks,” interim manager Jerry Manuel said in a post game conference. “You gotta roll with it, my brotha, there’s plenty of season ahead of us.” With this inexplicable defeat, the Mets season record falls to 35-37 and 6.5 games behind the first-place Phillies.

After a questionable firing of manager Willie Randolph, the Mets organization is scrambling for answers. General Manager Omar Minaya was found wandering around Coors Field in Denver, where the Mets are set to take on the Colorado Rockies. “That’s the game, youknowhatimsayin?” Minaya asked reporters, who encircled him to prevent escape on foot. “You can’t expect a complete bounce back. Willie was just let go, so these guys have to settle in. Pendejo!”

As a whole, the New York Mets have not lived up to the high expectations set by their 160 million dollar payroll or their close brush with World Series participation in 2006. Since then, the Mets have rarely deviated from playing .500 baseball.

David Wright, the Mets’ All-Star third basemen, was reached in the clubhouse after the non-game. “Sometimes you just can’t get it done,” Wright said, “even on off-days.” Wright closed up his locker, but stayed to speak to reporters. “Even with Willie gone, we just can’t seem to get on the right track. That’s R-I-G-H-T right, not my name. This team doesn’t need any more puns.”

In the game that wasn’t played, Wright, along with teammates Carlos Beltran and Carlos Delgado, combined to go 0 for 0 for the night. Hitting coach Howard Johnson had little to say. “If these guys can’t produce, it’ll be harder for the lower part of the order. Can we really rely on Brian [Schneider] to get everyone in?”

Following the game, Fred Wilpon, owner of the Mets, was found dead by his own hand in his office at Shea Stadium.