Mets, Manuel Show Signs of Resignation to 2008 Campaign

After a tough loss against the St. Louis Cardinals, which ended in a walk off solo home run from for third basemen Troy Glaus, the Mets breathed a collective sigh of resignation. The crack of the bat echoed across Busch Stadium, and a moment of uncertainty blanketed the crowd when it appeared as though outfielder Endy Chavez had made a game-saving catch. He did not come up with the ball, and the Mets did not come up with a win. “Un-buh-fucking-lievable,” manager Jerry Manuel said coldly as ecstatic Cardinals stormed home plate. Carlos Muniz, the losing pitcher, was heard muttering “Fuck it, I was going back to New Orleans anyhow” as he slowly walked off the mound. In a season that has been an utter disappointment, it now appears as though the Mets, as an organization, have given up.

Damion Easley, starting at second base for the injured Luis Castillo, went 3 for 4 with 3 runs batted in. When asked by a reporter about his feelings toward this season, he spoke in ominous terms. “You know what? Fuck this shit. This is fucking retarded. I mean, really. What the fuck?” He would not speak further, opting instead to shuffle into the visitor’s clubhouse. Jerry Manuel mirrored Easley’s comments in the post-game press conference. “I know you face a lot of tough breaks in a season, but Jesus fucking Christ, this shit is getting out of hand. We were down; we came back, then BAM! Lead gone, game gone. Fuck this. Fucking bullshit.” Manuel abruptly stood up, kicked the folding chair across the room, and stormed out, mumbling “I’m fucking done.”

This attitude comes as a surprise to many. After the firing of Willie Randolph, it seemed that the Mets, as a team, would be inspired to compete harder and play to the limit of their ability. The managerial change has had little impact on the Mets gameplay, as they still remain below the .500 mark. It seems as though nothing can remedy the situation, especially with the team’s new outlook. Ryan Church, who collected two hits in the game raising his average to a healthy .310, was incredulous. “I was on the DL, and it killed me to watch my teammates struggle. Then I come back, get a shitload of hits every night, and nothing comes from it. This is fucking stupid.” Church continued changing, adding a morose “God damn it.”

The Mets play the final game of their series with the Cardinals tonight at 8:10, with fans hoping for a split. The players, however, are indifferent. “What fucking difference does it make?” asked a bewildered David Wright. “I’ve brought my average up 20 points in the last two weeks, and we’re still holding our dicks under .500. Fucking…” Wright did not finish his thought, his eyes glazed over as he stared into space.

Mike Pelfrey takes the mound tonight, and his outlook is on par with that of his teammates and coaches. “I lost like, 5 fucking starts in a row and there was no consequence. It doesn’t seem like anything I do, win or lose, makes any difference. At least Peterson is gone. That guy didn’t know what the fuck he was doing. At least if I win, I can get a good contract once I reach free agency. But for now, what can I say? Fuck this shit. John [Maine] doesn’t even show up anymore, unless he has to pitch. He told me he was just going to phone it in, since it doesn’t change anything.”

“Fuck,” he later added.