“Boo Us,” Pleads Mets Bullpen

In an astonishing, heart-breaking loss to the rival Philadelphia Phillies, the Mets bullpen denizens applauded their own effort in handing over first place. “With a ten-game winning steak behind you, you get a lot of cheers out there,” said reliever Duaner Sanchez, who took over the ninth-inning role for the incapacitated closer Billy Wagner. “You miss the boos, and it gets to you. Now that we got the boos back, it feels like everything is right again.” The Mets bullpen, which had been stellar during the aforementioned ten-game winning streak, fell back into old habits by surrendering a late-inning lead. “I’m glad Jerry [Manuel] trusted me to blow this. It’s an honor,” Sanchez added.

The Phillies, having been tied for first place with the Mets until the start of Tuesday night’s game, now have sole possession once again. MVP shortstop Jimmie Rollins, who gave the Phillies the lead with a two-run double, gave the Mets bullpen most of the credit. “That kind of thing is hard to do. We [Phillies] haven’t been hitting in the clutch too good, but with an effort like that from the Mets bullpen, we feel a lot better. If they keep doing this, we’ll feel much more confident down the stretch.”

Jimmie Rollins praising Satan for his clutch ninth-inning hit

Aaron Heilman, the last Mets reliever to make an appearance in the ninth-inning meltdown, was disappointed with his performance. “They put me in there, and I heard some scattered cheers,” Heilman said sadly. “I remember the shower of boos I would receive whenever I came out. I thought that first walk would do the trick, but nothing. They had all this hope, and I did nothing to crush it. Of course it was me who had to get that last out. I wish I was Pedro [Feliciano]. Now that’s how you pitch in clutch situations.” Heilman received jeers from his teammates, but he just smiled, adding “I miss those boos. I knew I was contributing to the team then.”

Pedro Feliciano, one of the Mets steadier relievers, found how much he enjoyed being boo’d. “It’s certainly new,” he said in the clubhouse. “I used to get key outs and that was great, but that’s nothing like this. It’s incredible.” Feliciano left the clubhouse momentarily, but returned to add “I hope they boo us more down the stretch.”

Met fans, who have been booing more than ever at Shea Stadium in 2008, brought back their rally call. “BOOOOOOOO,” yelled one fan as Jose Reyes failed to record an out on a chopper. “YOU GUYS FUCKIN’ SUCK!” The incompetent ninth-inning pitchers relished it. “It’s magical” reliever Scott Schoeneweis said. “I used to get boo’d here all the time. I’ll cherish those memories.”

If there was one regret the Mets bullpen had, it was “I wish we had given up more runs,” put succinctly by Joe Smith, the losing pitcher.

Jerry Manuel, the manager of the Mets, was found in the parking lot after the post-game conference strangling Pedro Feliciano in his left hand and Duaner Sanchez in his right.