Massive Trade Sends Omar Vizquel to New York

In a huge move, New York Mets general manager Omar Minaya traded John Maine, Mike Pelfrey, Joe Smith, Aaron Heilman, Scott Schoeneweis, Billy Wagner, Brian Schneider, David Wright, and Nick Evans for veteran shortstop Omar Vizquel. The trade came as a shock to all involved, except Minaya. “The team has struggles, and as GM I’ve got to make a move to stir things up, youknowwhatimsayin?” Minaya told reporters at a press conference that introduced Vizquel as the newest member of the New York Mets ball club. “The trade deadline is almost upon us, and I think I was able to make the team better.” Vizquel is an accomplished infielder, with eleven gold gloves (nine consecutive from 1993 to 2001) and an assumed hall of fame entry. While Vizquel is only batting .185 so far, Minaya claims the move for Vizquel was made to solve nagging defensive problems.

Injuries have plagued the Mets in 2008, with both corner outfielders currently out (and one, Moises Alou, certain to not return) as well as a gap in the second base position, left by Luis Castillo. Minaya expects Vizquel to meet the defensive needs of the team. “I have full faith in Omar. You can’t argue with eleven gold gloves.” When asked if he thought this move would cripple the team for years, Minaya laughed. “We now have the strongest defensive team in baseball. With Jose [Reyes], Omar [Vizquel], and Carlos Delgado in the infield, Beltran, Vizquel, and Vizquel in the outfield, there is no way we can’t make a post season run.” Reporters for the New York Times asked Minaya if he intended to push for bullpen help, but he silenced the question before it ended. “I’ve got it all under control. While Omar [Vizquel] is playing shortstop and both corner outfield positions, he will pitch both the seventh and eighth innings.”

Omar Vizquel brandishing one of his many Gold Glove awards, which Minaya is sure he will bring to New York

Giants manager Bruce Bochy expressed both shock and glee when he heard the news. “Losing Omar is tough, as he’s been with us for so long, but Jesus, that’s a ton of talent we’re getting back! I mean, having young guys like Pelfrey and Maine to back up the struggling Zito, we can expect to win every day! And David Wright? Dear god, I hope this isn’t some kind of terrible, awful joke.” When it was confirmed, Bochy broke down into tears of joy.

The move is controversial not only because it seemingly weakens the team, but Omar Minaya managed to get every white player off the 25-man roster in exchange for a Hispanic player in one fell swoop. “This has nothing to do with race. It was talent-for-talent, an equal exchange. I want to help Los Met-err, The New York Mets. I wanted to help in diversifying baseball, and I believed this trade makes strides. I mean, I’ve got a black manager, so that counts, right?” To even out the roster, Omar called up Fernando Martinez, Anderson Hernandez, Chris Aguila, Claudio Vargas, Edgar Alfonzo, the rehabbing Orlando Hernandez, Jose Sanchez, and Ambiorix Concepcion. The Roster is about 90% Hispanic, a point Minaya shys away from. “Once again, race played no part in this. This is all about getting the team to playoff caliber. Los Mets will take this division and go deep into the post season!”

Jerry Manuel was found in the visiting dugout of Dolphins Stadium, clutching his knees and sobbing softly. “My team…destroyed…”

Omar Vizquel will join the team on August 1^st for the opening game against the Houston Astros. Until then, the Mets will be playing without the players Minaya exchanged in the trade.